| The lyrics to this lovely song on my xanga now. And I typed them myself..
There was this king nodding in his garden all alone,
When his brother in his ear poured a little bit of poison,
Stole his brother's crown and his money and his widow,
But the dead king walked and got his son and said, "Now listen kid,
I've been killed and it's your duty to take revenge on Claudius,
You kill him quick and clean and tell the nation what a fraud he is."
The kid said, "Right I'll do it, but I'll have to play it crafty,
So that no one suspects me I'll pretend that I'm daft."
So for all ('cept Horatio, and he counts him as a friend)
Hamlet, (that's the kid) he kids on he's 'round the bend,
And because he isn't ready for obligatory killing,
He tries to make the king think he's tuppence off a shilling.
Takes a rise out of Polonius, treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Denmark's a bleedin' jail,
Then a troupe of traveling actors like Seven Eighty-four,
Arrive to do a special one-night gig in Elsinore.
Hamlet, Hamlet, very barmy,
Hamlet, Hamlet, loves his mommy,
Hamlet, Hamlet, hesitating,
Wonders if the ghost's a cheat,
And that is why he's waiting.
So Hamlet writes a scene for the players to enact,
So Horatio and him could watch to see if Claudius cracked,
Now, the play was called "The Mousetrap" (not the one that's running now),
And sure enough the king walks out before the final bow.
So Hamlet's got the proof that his Uncle gave his dad the dose,
The only problem being now that Claudius knows he knows,
So while Hamlet tells his mother her new husband's not a fit one,
Uncle Claude puts out a contract with the English king as hit man.
So when Hamlet killed Polonius, the concealed corpus delecti,
Was the king's excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie,
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there,
But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger right on that pair.
When Laertes heard his dad had been stabbed through the arras,
He came running back to Elsinore tout-suite hot-foot from Paris.
When Ophelia with her dad killed by the man she was gonna to marry,
After saying it with flowers, she committed hari-kari.
Hamlet, Hamlet, no messin'
Hamlet, Hamlet, learned his lesson
Hamlet, Hamlet, Yorick's crust
Convinced him that men good or bad,
At last must come to dust.
So Laertes lost his head and was demanding retribution,
The king said keep your cool and I'll provide you a solution.
So the king arranged a swordfight for the interested parties,
With a blunted sword for Hamlet and a sharp sword for Laertes.
To make double sure (the old belt-and-braces line),
He fixed up a poisoned sword-tip and a poisoned cup of wine.
Well, the poisoned sword got Hamlet, but Laertes went and fluffed it,
'Cause he killed himself and he confessed before he snuffed it.
Then Hamlet's mommy drank the wine and as her face turned blue,
Hamlet said, "I believe the king's a villian through and through."
"Incestuous, murderous, damned Dane," he said, to be precise,
Then made up for hesitating once, by killing Claudius twice.
He stabbed him with the knife and forced the wine between his lips
He sas, "The rest is silence," that was Hamlet, had his chips.
They fired a volley over him that shook the topmost rafter,
Then Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes, lived happily ever after.
Hamlet, Hamlet, very gory
Hamlet, Hamlet, end of story
Hamlet, Hamlet, I'm on my way
If you think that was boring,
You should see the fucking play. You should see the fucking play. |
